Am I a slut?

I wanted to know where the line is. When does flirting go too far? How many guys can you flirt with before you become something...immoral? At what point does a flirt become a tease, a tease a slut or a slut a whore? When should I be loyal?

I have crossed more lines than I can believe. I think I might be a slut. Can you be a slut without having sex?

I used dictionary definitions to determine whether I am.

I am slovenly. Am I promiscuous? Affectionately, yes. Sexually? Hmm. Sexuality isn't just about intercourse so yes, I think I am. I never used to be. But...well, I'll explain using a story.

J, who I thought had a girlfriend didn't. He kinda does now...and that poor lass is yours truely. He is still much too young for me, and that has become blatently evident. Well, we were hot and heavy for 2 weeks before uni got busy. For the past week i've only caught glimpses of him. We were meant to go out last night but he pulled out at the last minute to spend time with a mate. I was deeply hurt by this...and while waiting for him to come over so I could talk to him had 4 standard drinks of vodka. I was a tad emotional. After he left I drank 3 bourbans and cried myself to sleep. At 3am I couldn't sleep so I went to the common room where I ran into a neighbour. He offered me a cigarette, I accepted, then he offered me vodka & OJ, again I accepted, then he offered me whiskey on the rocks which I was so happy to recieve he kept asking if I was drunk. I said no (I was sober at this point). Later he asked if I wanted to watch a movie. About 5 minutes into the movie he asked if he could kiss me...I said no. He kissed me anyway. We made out for a bit and everytime I tried to leave he was like "ok, I'll stop" then 2 seconds later he was at it again. I left when he undid my bra. The thing is, I did reciprocate the kissing, and I did let him put his hands all over my body. I desperately crave physical touch, so for J to suddenly deprive me of it...it's painful. But what is scarier is that, although I left, I still let things get to a point where I was cheating on J. It's one thing to justify kissing someone when you're single, but for me to do so when in a relationship (even one that is on the rocks) is so against my core values it's unthinkable. I put myself in that position. I wanted to feel desired. I needed to be desired. And I don't know how to control that impulse. I do things because of this compulsion. I want to be a good person. I want to remain pure and loyal. But to get someone to hold me the way I need...I'd do almost anything. For a man to hold me like that he needs to want want me. My lack of discernment in who I want to desire me is why I match the definition of a slut.

Slut
Main Entry: slut Pronunciation: \ˈslət\ Function: noun Etymology: Middle English slutte Date: 15th century 1chiefly British : a slovenly woman
2 a: a promiscuous woman; especially : prostitute b: a saucy girl : href="http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/minx">minx

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary

Main Entry: minx Pronunciation: \ˈmiŋ(k)s\ Function: noun Etymology: origin unknown Date: 1576 1 : a pert girl 2 : a wanton woman

Main Entry: pert Function: adjective Etymology: Middle English, evident, attractive, saucy, short for apert evident, from Anglo-French, from Latin apertus open, from past participle of aperire to open Date: 14th century 1 a: saucily free and forward : flippantly cocky and assured b: being trim and chic : jaunty c: piquantly stimulating 2: lively, vivacious

Main Entry: Wanton Function: noun 1 a: one given to self-indulgent flirtation or trifling
Function: adjective a: lewd, bawdy b: causing sexual excitement : lustful, sensual